ONE OF US!

The Faithful cheer as Dex Joy enters the arena in a scene that’s captioned “earlier today”. As he paces the hallways, there’s a small green blur in the upper right corner of the hall, seemingly coming towards Dex at a rapid speed. Sure enough, it doesn’t take long for that green blur to be seen as, in fact, a human. Or a player. Or a Player Two. Who has been shouting “DEX!” since the second he saw the big guy.

Dressed in his normal wrestling attire, Conor bursts into the picture, nearly out of breath as he stands in front of a baffled Dex Joy. Fuse takes a moment to put his hand over Dex’s shoulder so Conor can lean forward and continue catching his breath.

Conor Fuse: [gasping for air]
You know… if I’m not… in the ring… I… kinda get winded… pretty quickly…

Joy looks at Fuse and then sees the hand on his shoulder. He carefully lifts the gamer’s arm off of him, trying not to be rude but also clearly expressing a line in the sand.

Dex Joy:
Whoa whoa whoa there. Three feet bubble. You ain’t gotta social distance, but you need to give me some space there, Player Dos.

By now, Conor’s caught his breath and also caught on that, likely, he overstepped his boundaries. The Power-Up King takes a step back and puts his arms up.

Conor Fuse:
Okay bro, cool. No worries, I hear ya. Look, I know we haven’t really had a chance to interact yet and the fans are DYING for it- wait, then again, we did interact two weeks ago, when I saved you from the Comments Section. Totally helped ya out there.

Dex gives Conor another look over and gives him a mock belly laugh before replying.

Dex Joy:
Hoooooo boy, you and I see things a little differently. What you should have paid attention to was me smashing right through Thurston Hunter just cause I could. I appreciate what you might call help, but this close to DEFCON … NOTHING is stopping me from RSVPing my date to the FIST of DEFIANCE. I don’t care if there’s one, two, a hundred … bring me all them forum trolls and I’ll kick the spam out of every single one, pally.

Dex Joy steps just a little closer.

Dex Joy:
And I mean anyone associated with them.

Conor nods all the way through Dex’s speech, even the end of it… until he catches on.

Conor Fuse:
Ohhhhhh, you don’t trust me because I’m still associated with The Comments Section. But I am like wwwaaaayyyy beyond who they think I am- errr, who they’re trying to get me to be.

Conor realizes Dex is losing interest and does not appear to be convinced.

Conor Fuse:
Anyway, what’s up, dude? Big match tonight huh? I don’t have one. You’ll have to catch me on UNCUT or maybe not. I dunno. Match limits and shit. What can ya do? But yeah-

Conor realizes Dex has LOST interest.

Fuse pauses. The Biggest Boy shakes his head.

Dex Joy:
Oh trust me bro I know them match limits, too … that’s why I took care of Thurston Hunter so quickly last week. So I can’t imagine you wanted our first words together for all these people to see to be about small talk. What’s up? The Game Boy behind me with joystick in hand wanting to have another staring contest behind ol’ Dexy Baby right now? Cause if he is and you try to jump me when I turn around, I’m gonna be pretty ticked then it’s gonna be Game Over for you right now, Con-Man.

Conor’s perplexed.

Conor Fuse:
Con-Man? I ain’t no Con-Man. I’m the honest good guy here. Which brings me to why I wanted to find you to begin with!

Dex’s eyes are about to burst from his head. He grows impatient and starts walking towards his locker room, forcing Conor to walk and talk.

Conor Fuse:
Sooooo I just wanted to apologize for the whole Comments Section thing and I’m looking forward to our one-on-one match at DEFCON. The Faithful want it, clearly. You heard the reaction two weeks ago when we were in the ring together and whatever is going on with those goons who refuse to leave my side, I’ll deal with them. I swear it. I’ll make sure nothing happens tonight. That’s what I wanted to say to you.

Approaching his locker room door, Joy stops.

Dex Joy:
Oh I heard that reaction, pally! I know what this was the second this match was made. People might not call me the brightest bulb sometimes, but Big Dex Energy hears and sees all backstage. You’ve come pretty dang close to that FIST a few times. So have I. And I ain’t going through this life with people thinking Dexy Baby’s only good enough to be a bridesmaid. I want it all! The nice tux, the flowers, the “Just Married” sign, the perfect marriage … the marriage of The FIST of DEFIANCE and Dexy Baby’s ever-slimming waist joined in holy championship matrimony!

Joy is all smiles thinking about it, then he’s not when he turns back to Conor.

Dex Joy:
I want to trust you, Conor. You’ve been trying to do good whether or not it’s blown up in your face … but Dexy Baby ain’t asking for anyone’s help nor do I need it. Whatever you got going on with you and the Comments Section, you better figure that ish out before DEFCON or I’ll do the thinking for you.

Conor can understand where his upcoming opponent is coming from but needs to clarify further.

Conor Fuse:
So you’re clear, I have NOTHING to do with those BOTS. If I DDDIIIIIDDDD, the vintage Conor Fuse would’ve found you upon entering the arena, sprinted towards you shouting “DEX, DEX, DEXXXX!” and then tried to explain himself. You know, stupid stuff like “hey I’m a good guy, too” and “those dumb NPCs are trying to find the dark side in Conor Fuse but there is no dark side” and also saying stuff along the lines of “I’ll make sure nothing happens toNIGHT–”

Conor catches on.

Dex stares him down.

And Fuse backs away again, arms up, as The Biggest Boy enters his locker room.

Dex Joy:
All right, now you can social distance your ass away from me. I got a match to prep for anyway, but I’ll see you at the ‘CON, Con.

Dex closes the door behind him.

…Leaving Conor Fuse twiddling his thumbs (literally) and then smacking his forehead. The Ultimate Gamer starts to walk back to where he came from.

Conor Fuse: [talking to himself]
Dude, that was a terrible approach! Of course he’s not gonna trust you now! Of course he’s-

Hard stop, serious face. It’s almost as if Conor Fuse is now in the Dex Joy role of not being impressed because there, directly across the way, stands the entire Comments Section of goons. ALEX P., MEE6, Thurston Hunter, Percy Collins and The Game Boy.

Conor Fuse:
What do ya want now?

Percy Collins smiles a used-car-salesman-like look, rubbing his hands together and approaching the gamer. He also has a Conor Fuse + Nintendo branded mash-up duffle bag hanging on his right arm.

Percy Collins:
We tried to help you two weeks ago, Conor.

In the background, Hunter pipes up.

Thurston Hunter:
Yeah MOTHAFUCKAAAA, we tried to dicksnap that hoe in the middle of the ring but then you came to save him! Like what the fuck man? What the fuck!?

Fuse is about to blow a fuse but he holds back as best as he can while Percy Collins is the one who now places a hand on Conor’s shoulder.

Percy Collins:
Short and sweet, Conor. You will see the light. You are one of us.

The Rest of the Comments Section Goons (excluding The Game Boy because, of course, he doesn’t speak):
ONE OF US!

The former Tag Team Champion rolls his eyes.

Conor Fuse: [sarcastic]
Okay, great talk. I’m one of you. Amazing.

Conor starts walking away.

Conor Fuse: [rambling on]
But I’m good, you’re bad. You’re idiots. You’re annoying. You’re taking up valuable TV time. You introduced a god damn bigfoot wizard for god sakes. Now it’s canon… forever etched in DEFIANCE history. Nonsense! I want nothing to do with any of you. Get in Dex’s way tonight, Imma destroy all of ya. Like I told Dex, I promise I will.

Fuse makes his exit while the rest of The Comments Section simply just stands there watching him leave.